


sick in the head

by goldensmii7y



Category: Banana Bus Squad, Gay baby gang
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-08
Updated: 2019-01-28
Packaged: 2019-09-13 23:57:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 6
Words: 2,267
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16902171
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/goldensmii7y/pseuds/goldensmii7y
Summary: two boys get admitted to a mental facility after trying to end their livesthey meet in group therepythey fall in love ?





	1. Chapter 1

this book does contain mentions of

\- Sexual Intercorse (?) 

\- Overdosing 

\- Attempted Suicide 

\- Self Harm

\- Body Dismorphia 

\- Blood ( obiviously) 

\- Razors and Pills ( obviously) 

if you have issues with this please do not contiue reading on 

i am also not trying to glorify mental health but trying to understand what people go through 

thank you for reading and enjoy =)


	2. j a r e n

4/13/18

how do I start this off?

hello, my name is Jaren Smith, im 18 years old and currently in a mental hospital, why you ask? ill get to that. they made me write in this journal to "help me" not very sure how this is going to help me but im forced to.

Now as for why im here, Im here because I tried to kill myself, let me make it as blunt as possible

but I regret doing it, it all started when my mom and dad got a divorce when I was nine years old. Now nine year old me thought my mom and dad were in love and all that crap, turns out when I was asleep they were fighting and there love was all a lie.

how do you feel about that at nine years old? 

you feel numb thats how you feel, and its the worst feeling in the world, feeling so alone and like your trapped in a box screaming and no one can hear you.

I only get to see my dad three days out of the seven those being Monday, Thursday and Saturday, I never understood why the days were so spread out but never asked questions, I think it's because my mom is very protective of me and doesn't trust my dad

So for 9 years now ive been dealing with going back and forth between days with my mom and dad and a lot of custody issues and fighting, I felt like I was the pure cause of all this mess and every day my depression for worse and that led up to me slitting my wirsts.

Now I know it's kinda gross of me to say that but I don't care, I was feeling so fucking alone and useless, I have no friends to turn to and my mom doesn't understand so im alone.

All alone.

I went into the bathroom and found the razor i've hidden and sat in the bathtub and cut, the feeling was absolutely phenomenal I felt so tingly and alive and soon I passed out from the blood loss which has never happened.

It was scary when I woke up, i was hooked up to so many machines my mom and dad were sitting there, my moms head in her hands, I really fucked up I made my mom so god damn worried, she looked at me and saw that I was awake and fine she was really glad I didn't die.

But soon I figured out I would be  
coming to this hell to get treatment for my suicidal tendencies and now here I am, Ive been in here for around a month and absolutely hate this place

I have to go to therapy every Monday and Friday and group therapy is on Wednesday's and visiting hours are every other Monday which blows, dont they understand I miss my family?

part of the program is " writing out our feelings" but really I don't know how that shits gonna work cause I'm really bad at expressing my feelings

also might add that at the end of the week we have to show our therapist our journal so they make sure we're not writing about harming ourselves

Well this has been a little introduction to the hell I will live in till I get out.

I hope I get out soon


	3. j o h n

4/15/18

So, they told me to do an introduction and tell a little about myself so I guess i'll do that? im not very good at writing so exuse me if I suck. 

Hi my name is John Keyes, im 19 years old and I love to skate and hang out with my friends, to be prerfectly honest theres not much to know about me, im really really boring and dont have much of a life outside of this place, yeah I have friends but only a few and I feel like I constantly annoy them with my precence. 

Im the youngest of my siblings, I have two older sisters who care for me deeply, I feel like I was constantly babied though because I am the only boy besides my dad, my mom had such a good feeling that I was going to be a girl and that she would have all girls to deal with, nope not quite mom. 

As for why im here Im here for one reason and one reason only, well maybe two if you count how depressed I am and I overdosed on pills, around 7 meletonin pills to be exact and they were 10 mg that would be around 70 mg, I figured out if you drink vodka, take a bunch of pills and not eat thats your best approach, long story short my mom found me passed out on the bathroom floor barely breathing, my mom told me that my skin was so cold, she thought she had lost me but I had to go to the hospital to get my stomach pumped, the doctor had told my mom that she had made it just in time. that night I figured out how much it sucks to get your stomach pumped, they put this weird liquid in my stomach called sailine and it made my stomach feel so cold and gross, guess thats what I get for doing what I did.

Also to get all of the pill contents out of my stomach then they gave me some charcoal so I could throw up anything that was left in my stomach, my throat was so sore after throwing up for a good 20 minutes but that was to be expected of course, my mom sat there rubbing my back while I weakly sat there in a dazed state, soon my dad and my sisters came and saw me, I was embarassed their son and little brother overdosing because he cant grip on his emotions, I couldn't even look at them I could tell they were all very dissapointed in me, I wasnt doing this because I wanted attention, I was doing it because ive been depressed for years and no one noticed, thats the good part no one was paying attention so it would be hushed, I was so good at hiding my emotions and how angry and sad I was at this world but I always was smiling, this world was so unfair to me so I got my note ready and made sure it was next to me, my body felt numb and I hadn't done anything yet, I opened the bottle of meletonin and took around 7 pills out and put them in my mouth, I washed down my pills but continued to drink a whole half liter then I soon blacked out, thats when I knew it was all over and ill finally be a peace 

well thats what I thought, and it obviously didnt happen because im here now. 

a few hours into my stay they told me since this was not a accidental overdose that I would have stay in a mental facility to watch over me to observe me and try to get me help don't know what kind of help they can give me, I feel like it's to late to try to help me, maybe it isnt im not really sure at this point, im not even sure that I can feel emotion at this point im so numb. 

so I hope this gives my therapist a little insight into my crappy life.


	4. t h i r d   p e r s o n

Jaren was walking to group therapy with his assigned nurse which he hated, he hated that someone had to watch his every move. he wanted the tiniest bit of privacy, was that to hard to ask? 

Walking into the thearpy room brings full tension, everyone looks at you like you're some kind of lab expiriment or something, Jaren slowly slumped down in his seat and looked down not wanting to look anyone in the eyes, Jaren always thought looking people in the eyes was extremely scary because you can always see their emotions in their eyes and Jaren couldnt stand someone knowing how he was feeling or even knowing how someone else was feeling 

He looked around and saw this blonde haired boy who was messing with the rings on his fingers, Jaren was surprised they hadn't took the rings from the boy because they might be considred "dangerous" somehow 

he had a little beauty spot above his lip, pink plump lips and a very intimidating look nonetheless he was a gorgeous human 

Jaren was falling in love with a guy who he just laid eyes on 

wow

how ironic 

and one of the rules are " do not get in a relationship" and it went on and on about how it could delay the healing process while were here

which in Jaren's eyes was complete bs but the rules werent up to him of course 

and when Jaren looked up to look around the blonde haired boy was looking at him, his blue-green eyes shined in the light, they stared at eachother for a moment before the blonde one looked away 

but the thing was Jaren didn't want him to look away

because his blue-green eyes lit up the room and he knew how cheesy it sounded but he ment it so many words could discribe this boy who he's never even talked to but just laid his eyes on.


	5. j o h n

4/27/18

so there is this boy in group therepy he has chesnut hair thats a bit curly, bright brown eyes that light up but not all the time sometimes he looks scared which I can understand, his cheeks look so squishable their like little marshmallows, his lips are so plump in a beautiful shade of pink 

he gives me goosebumps and butterflies in my stomach its a feeling I can't shake off and we haven't even talked, he is such a gorgeous human, I really can't explain this weird feeling I have about this boy 

I don't wanna say im in love cause that would be silly, you can't fall in love with someone you haven't talked to or know nothing about

well i guess thats called love at first sight but I kinda don't belive in that bullcrap 

or maybe it isnt such bullcrap, maybe im just not convinced easily 

Im thinking about maybe going and talking to him, or maybe thats to bold of me to do, not very sure at this point I mean he was looking at me like he was maybe interested 

maybe is the keyword here 

and if we fall in love what should we do? hide it? 

you see thats simply impossible because one of the most important rules here is don't get into a relationship because it might mess up you're healing process 

In my eyes I don't think being in a relationship would be all that bad 

to be perfectally honest I wanna be cuddled and loved

am I too needy?

probably. 

but hey I havent really been in a real relationship and if hes my first im gonna be the luckiest guy in the world 

maybe im crushing to hard

i love this boy and i dont even know his name 

but I want to know it so so bad 

hopefully ill find that out very soon. 

maybe I can ask about him ya know just get his name and maybe how old he is, he looks fairly young maybe around my age im not too sure 

hopefully I can maybe get this information cause its not like I want to know his whole life story! thats private and only between him and the theripist


	6. J a r e n

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/n: currently writing this on my phone cause its late and I dont wanna get my computer out :p so exuse the errors :^) ill fix them later

4/30/18  
I've currently been here for 30 days so im like 2 months in?who can count the days, I cant even say I like it here to be honest I miss the outside world, I miss my family and going outside to walk around town but instead im stuck in this prison for another few months if I dont get better it could be up to a year, so im gonna try my hardest to recover.

Yesterday was my birthday also, I might add im 19 now! and honestly the day went okay we celebrated another year that I actually survived ( though i did just attempt suicide.) In group therapy And even though I dont know alot of people they really seemed happy for me, it gave me lots of hope I guess it was a really good feeling to have people around to support me, even the boy with the pretty green-blue eyes said something to me even though it was something small it made me feel good all he said was happy birthday and it made my heart flutter 

Then during visiting hours my mom and dad came to visit me and gave me love, I miss them alot..I dont get too see them often due to the stupid rules in this place.

Well I have to go soon, gotta take those stupid anti depressants that they think are gonna help lmao I've tried these things before and they do nothing but make me lethargic and sleepy.


End file.
